It is wrong for God's children to try to appeal to people's selfishness as if it will lead them to godliness. One example of this that I have heard is, “You shouldn’t forgive because of what it does for the other person, you should forgive because of what it does for you.” They say that you should forgive because of what forgiveness does for you. But what does the word of God say?
Remember that godliness means, to be like God (or to live in submission to His word), and the Scriptures specifically mention this in multiple places, how and why, we are commanded to forgive.
Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. - Colossians 3:12-13 CSB (emphasis mine)
Instead, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, graciously forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has graciously forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32 LSB (emphasis mine)
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. - Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
There are many Scriptures that command us to forgive and in them there are warnings of the consequences of disobedience (such as Matthew 6:14-15 which is mentioned above and the most drastic of which is Matthew 18:21-35). We are to forgive as God forgave us. God did not forgive us because it was in His best interest. In fact, in order to forgive us, He had to take on flesh, live a perfect life amidst temptations, suffer, and die so that He could be the atoning sacrifice to forgive us of our sins. Was that selfish of Him? Did He pursue reconciliation with us out of selfishness? Absolutely not! His motive was love, unfathomable and undeserved love. We too, should forgive with love as our motive. He forgave us, when we did not (and could not) deserve it, and He has commanded that we, as His children, follow His example and do the same.
I do not deny or belittle the difficulty of forgiveness. For years, I held onto my own anger and hurt, refusing to forgive, but God would not let my disobedience slip by. He continued to convict and reveal to me that I needed to forgive, and in time I did surrender and obey. The Scriptures tell us clearly why obedience to God is hard.
For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you do not do the things that you want. - Galatians 5:17 LSB
This is echoed very strongly in Romans 7:11-25.
You cannot achieve godliness by taking the path of selfishness for they go in completely opposite directions. If you claim to have forgiven someone, yet your motive and mindset was one of selfishness, you shouldn’t be surprised if that same hurt shows up time and time again, because you may find that you never truly forgave them at all. Do you recall that in the definition of love (which we are commanded to do) from 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “Love... does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I too read those words and am tempted feel as if we are commanded to do the impossible, but if God has commanded us to do it, then by His Spirit we are able to obey. Godliness requires the surrender of self. As we offer ourselves a living sacrifice, choose to submit to His word and His ways over the desires of our own flesh, we can glorify Him and live in a way that pleases Him.
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. - Matthew 6:14 LSB
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ESV
For good measure, you can read also Romans 12-14-21.
I feel like I should mention that forgiveness does benefit us, as does any and all godliness and obedience to His word, but our primary motive should always be love and obedience to God and His word.
But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. - 1 Timothy 6:6 LSB
… train yourself for the purpose of godliness, for bodily training is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. - from 1 Timothy 4:7-8 LSB
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