[Note: This post was originally created September 19, 2018]
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
We are currently mourning our third miscarriage. This makes three losses in less than three years, two of which have happened within two months of each other. My second loss was in late July 2018. Our 10-year wedding anniversary was on July 18th. It also happened to be my 28th birthday and we found out on that day that I was pregnant again. I was so excited! Patrick planned an ‘almost’ surprise trip for our anniversary to Waco, Texas. He took me shopping at a Motherhood Maternity store after we found out about the pregnancy and bought me some beautiful new maternity clothes. I was so delightfully happy, for those of you who don’t know me, I absolutely love babies! I thought it was so wonderful that we were celebrating our 10-year anniversary, my 28th birthday, and the life of our 5th living child.
That Sunday, I wore one of my beautiful new maternity dresses to church. I’m normally a blue-jeans-and-t-shirt kind of churchgoer, but I was so excited and ready to try out my new maternity clothes. Honestly, I was already starting to ‘show,’ so the dress was more comfortable than my blue jeans anyway. I told a couple of people the good news, and there were some happy ‘congratulations.’ Then, Monday came… and so did the bleeding.
How could this happen? One day after we shared the news, we lost the baby. That was my second miscarriage. Part of what made it so difficult was that people were still ‘just hearing’ about the good news of our new pregnancy when we went back to church on Wednesday and for weeks following (apparently good news spreads much faster than bad news) I would still see people in the hall who would happily tell me, “Congratulations!” because they hadn’t heard about our loss yet. I know that they meant well and it wasn’t their fault that they hadn’t heard the sad news yet but oh how incredible is the heartbreaking sadness of being congratulated on the baby that you have just lost. But honestly, I handled our second miscarriage much better than our first one.
The first one was so hard for me. There were 15 days of bleeding, and it changed some of my preconceived notions that I had about miscarriages. It was as if Satan had been granted the ability to test me and tempt me. He knew that I knew without a doubt that God existed, but I think he was trying to get me to doubt God’s goodness. “If God is good, why would He let this happen?” I honestly had complete faith that God could have (if He had seen fit to do so) saved our baby from dying or that if the baby had already died, He could bring it back to life and have the pregnancy continue as normal.
The Scripture that I learned to live out during my first miscarriage was Philippians 4:6-7. “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Whenever I was struggling greatly (which was often) I would immediately stop and pray for things that I was thankful for. Two of the things I thanked God the most for, were that I had three healthy little girls and that my husband was trying to be extra helpful and encouraging to me during what was a very difficult time for both of us.
If ‘faith’ alone could cause a miracle, then a miracle would have happened. I began to speak a very difficult prayer during that time. “God, I know that You can do this, but if not, may your will be done, not mine.” That is such a hard thing to pray but it is also a raw and beautiful prayer.
Two days ago, I told someone that I was pregnant. The next day (yesterday as I write this), I woke up with bleeding. There is physical pain that comes with a miscarriage. I don’t understand it, but the pain is practically the same as the pain that is felt after childbirth. There is another pain that comes with the loss of a miscarriage though and that’s the emotional pain. This is the pain that is the hardest to bear. This is the pain that takes the longest to heal. I wrote the following in the hopes that it would encourage anyone who is suffering in this broken world.
I am sorry. I cannot take away your pain. These words will not lessen your pain. They will not heal your broken heart, but I pray that they give you hope. I pray that you will know where true comfort comes from, and I pray that God will bring life abundant from your ashes and beauty from your brokenness. Christians are not exempt from suffering. We are not spared the pain and loss that come from living in a world cursed by sin. Victor Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, said that “suffering has no limits.” We will suffer in this life. We will suffer the loss of those we love the most, and someday they will suffer the loss of losing us.
Why do we suffer? The honest truth is that Satan wants us to suffer. His greatest hope and desire for all people is for them to have lives riddled with loss, death, and destruction. I believe that Satan feels apathy towards us and hatred toward God. This is why he desires to cause us such pain. It isn’t even about us for him; it’s about trying to get us to curse God. He wants us to sin against our loving Father. That is his goal (if you aren’t familiar with what I wrote about concerning Satan here, please read Job, chapter 1 and 2 and John 10:10).
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings that we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1:3-6)
You know something that I love about those verses above? It doesn’t even mention Satan. I think it’s significant that he doesn’t get mentioned in these Scriptures. It’s not about him. It’s all about us and God. Who is my God? My God is the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. That is who my God is. When I am afflicted, it’s terrible, it’s heartbreaking, and it’s humbling, but more importantly, it sends me running to the arms of my heavenly Father and how does He respond? With loving comfort. His heavenly embrace is better than anything this earth can offer.
Why does God allow us to suffer? He does not desire us to suffer, yet he permits it. Why? I will list three reasons and the Scripture to support them.
1. Trials and suffering refine us spiritually.
You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith — more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6-7
2. When we suffer, God comforts us. Through our firsthand experience with both suffering and comfort, we can comfort others who are suffering (the verses from 2 Corinthians 1:3-6 listed above support this beautifully; please stop to read them again).
Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)
3. Our sufferings can lead to the salvation of others.
If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation… (2 Corinthians 1:6a)
Pay close attention to your life and your teaching; persevere in these things, for in doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers. (1 Timothy 4:16)
Our lives are the greatest testimony that we will ever share. How we handle suffering, sorrow, death, and loss shouts to the world about the hope that is found in Christ. God loves us as His precious children. I believe that He does not like to see us suffer, but in all honesty, He sees the entire plan. He sees His plan from the beginning of creation all the way into never-ending eternity. He has a great and marvelous plan even if it doesn’t feel or look like it from our very limited perspective.
Every so often, we get a tiny glimpse into God’s plan. When we see an authentic conversion, we weep tears of joy and praise God’s goodness. When we look at the cross, we mourn the literal death that Christ suffered to save us from our sins, but we praise His goodness and the fact that He made redemption available to us. When I look around at my current struggle, I don’t see the good in it. I don’t see how God is going to use this for my (or others’) good and for His glory, but I believe and trust that He will. I know this because “he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself” (2 Timothy 2:13) Just as God cannot lie because it is not in His nature, God cannot keep Himself from working Satan’s plans for evil into plans for good for His children who are called according to His purpose.
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
But as for me, God’s presence is my good. I have made the Lord Yahweh my refuge, so I can tell about all you do. – Psalm 73:28
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